Social Anxiety & The Party Season

Tis the season to be jolly.. Only, what if it’s not?

Christmas can be a wonderful time of year but it can also present us with challenges that, for many, leave us with a sense of dread.

It’s party season, a time when it can sometimes feel like there’s no end of social engagements to attend. The office Christmas party is looming on the calendar, get-togethers’ and dinner with friends and acquaintances; There’s the prospect of spending time with our extended family and, of course, New Year’s Eve celebrations.

These may all sound like great fun but for many people these come with a great cost: The experience of social anxiety, feeling like you don’t quite fit in, potentially leaving you wishing that the ground would just swallow you up. Often sufferers predict their displeasure long before the engagement and dread attending; And then of course, you may find yourself wondering how you can get out of going altogether.

So, what is Social Anxiety?

Social Anxiety is much more than being shy or a little nervous in social situations.

People who struggle with social anxiety often become acutely aware of their emotions or physical symptoms when in social situations, fear that their struggle is apparent to those in their company and worry that they will be judged, causing even greater anxiety.

It’s a vicious cycle that can quickly run away with itself and leave you feeling overwhelmed.

Confidence: Some people think of social anxiety as manifest in low confidence. It can be a factor, but it’s far from the whole story. People are great actors. It’s possible to be confident but still experience social anxiety. However, more common is the appearance or perception of confidence in others when they are experiencing anxiety – in essence, they pretend to be confident in social situations while, internally, they are under great stress.

This distorted perception can leave us feeling inadequate by comparison if we feel like we don’t measure up to the examples before us.

Our own lack of confidence & low self-worth can create a distorted perception of the confidence of others, leaving us with the impression that we don’t cut it socially; Making us feel even worse.

It’s not uncommon to find people relying on self-defeating coping measures like alcohol to help with anxiety in these situations. I’m sure we all know people who seem to come alive after a few drinks..

Beliefs & Assumptions: Often, the beliefs & assumptions that we hold dear actually facilitate & nurture our social anxiety. For example, the idea that being sociable & popular somehow adds value to us as human beings.

The language we use even supports this idea: It is often said that popular people have great personalities while others who are perceived as dry, quiet or unwilling to connect with us as lacking personality. A classic example of this might be the tennis player, Andy Murray. He has a very monotone voice which doesn’t lend itself well to the microphone and so he is often portrayed in a very negative light in terms of his personality; While those who know him well & personally, speak very highly of his values & character.

It’s only when we stop to look at these beliefs & assumptions that we start to realise how absurd they are: How can someone have no personality? How do these underlying beliefs & assumptions that we have developed over time impact on the way we see & value ourselves?

Assertiveness: A common experience for those with social anxiety is a sense of inability to say what they are thinking or feel to such an extent that failing to do so can be a great disadvantage to them.

Social-Phobia: Left undealt with, our social anxieties can worsen to such an extent that we end up avoiding social contact altogether which can impact on our ability to address some of our basic needs. It can impact on our ability to buy groceries, buy clothing, access medical care & medicines, work, access education, not to mention maintain relationships with others.

At this stage, social anxiety is severely undermining our ability to meet our basic needs and there can be further adverse consequences for physical & mental health if it is left unaddressed.

Experience: Social anxieties are usually born of experiences, things that we have learned along our way through life. We may have been mistreated, perhaps abused or neglected, bullied or simply not had the kind of influences in our life that nurture confidence and an ability to connect with others. These can leave us ill-equipped to function socially in a way we desire.

The good news is that these are all things that we can work on & relearn new ways of thinking & feeling. Above all, we can reacquaint us with ourselves, learn to accept & express ourselves as authentically as possible, and learn to love whatever that is.

If you would like to talk about coping with anxiety, whether it be for yourself or someone you know, feel free to contact BroadMinds Therapy for help & advice.

We offer a free consultation with no obligation to book further sessions. Call (+353) 0899420568, email help@broadmindstherapy.org , message us via this web page or visit our facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/jpbroad for more information.

Finally, if you like what you read please like & share to help us reach & help as many people as possible.

Thanks for taking the time to read this article.