There’s a worrying trend in increasing rates of self-harm on children & adolescents with some estimates putting self harm rates among those under 16’s at almost 1 in 7.
Having worked with children who self harm & their parents, I know that this is major cause of anxiety for effected parents and just as traumatic for the children who self-harm.
Let’s quickly revisit the definition of self-harm noted in our last post:
“Self harm can be defined as any behaviour acted-out with the intention of physically harming yourself in some way.”
If we’re to understand why a child – or anyone for that matter – would self-harm it’s a good idea to look at typical reasons. The following reasons are more child-specific and this is by no means an exhaustive list:
Feeling under pressure at school: Exams are a typical example.
Being bullied – this can be physical or verbal. Be alert to the potential for phone or online bullying.
Experiences of sexual, physical or emotional abuse: These can be experienced directly or as a witness to these forms of abuse.
Loss & Bereavement: Loss of a parent, grandparent or sibling, or maybe even a pet, are typical examples.
Confusion about sexuality: Sexual feelings are being experienced by adolescents for the first time & it takes time to understand those feelings & learn to accept them. This can be particularly difficult in environments where only some types of sexual feelings are considered legitimate. For example, environments where homosexual feelings are discouraged or disapproved of.
Confusion about sexual identity: It is possible for children from a very young age to experience confusion between their gender and what their feelings seem to suggest to them. Examples include being physically male but feeling psychologically & emotionally female, or vice versa; Or identifying as non-binary, meaning you neither identify as either male or female.
Dysfunctional relationships (Parental, Family): This can include dysfunctional relationships between children & their parents or dysfunctional relationships between parents.
Breakdown of relationships – Young people hurt, too, when their relationships fail.
Change of schools: If you think about the stress you might experience when moving job or home, you have some idea of what children experience when changing schools. However, keep in mind that children don’t have the luxury of deciding to change schools if things aren’t working out well in quite the same way that you might be able to change employers if you don’t like your job.
Moving Home: This can be a very anxious time for anyone but remember that children often have very little say in where they live. A home can be a sanctuary but it can also feel like a prison.
Illness or poor health: For example, this can leave children feeling guilty about the burden of their poor health on the family or lead to low self-esteem if they come to feel like their poor health affects their innate value.
Low self-esteem.
Changes in stress levels: Particularly where stress increases significantly. Family breakdown is a common reason for this, as are times of performance assessment in school during exams.
Depression or anxiety caused by any number of factors.
Struggling to cope with emotions & feelings: Children are physically & mentally incapable of processing emotions & feelings in the same way as adults. Assuming that because something makes sense to you as an adult, or is rational, it should make sense to everyone else fundamentally fails to understand things from your child’s perspective.
Anger or numbness to emotions: Anger is a difficult emotion to master, one that even adults often struggle to manage. Numbness can be very confusing as it can feel like being in an emotional vacuum.
So what should you look out for?
First of all, if we start with the assumption that you don’t know that your child is self-harming:
Look out for changes in behaviours like:
Becoming withdrawn.
Unusual outbursts of frustration &/or anger.
Changes in mood, particularly persistent low mood.
Covering Up: Wearing clothes that don’t seem appropriate such as long sleeves on hot days, roll-neck sweaters, or changes in typical clothing choices that mask body parts that are usually visible.
Signs of anxiety like constant fidgeting, twitching, pacing.
Obvious signs of self-harm like picking & scratching at skin, pulling hair.
Changes in eating & drinking habits.
Changes in exercise levels.
Accessing self-harming resources: Recent studies in the UK revealed that a quarter of 15-16 years olds have searched for self-harm content online within the last year.
Children & Self Harm Content Stats
Peers:
Children are more likely to self-harm if their peers self-harm. Therefore, be mindful of the relationships that they maintain. If you think that a friend of theirs is self-harming or encouraging that behaviour, it may be time for careful intervention.
Role Models:
Again, children are more likely to self-harm if role models are known to self-harm, too, so be mindful of those they look up to.
So what do you do if you discover that your child is self-harming?
That moment is likely to be emotionally charged for all concerned so the first challenge is to maintain your composure. The first priority has to be the question, does your child have an injury that needs medical attention? If so, or if there’s an immediate threat to their safety, dealing with that is the first priority. Call the emergency services if necessary or if the injury is less severe, consider a visit to your child’s doctor. Even if the injury doesn’t require professional medical attention, consulting a medical professional can open up a pathway to professional psychological or psychiatric help as well as provide an opportunity for your child to begin exploring why they are self-harming.
Try to remember that people who self-harm usually do so as a coping measure for unwanted thoughts, feelings and emotions. In other words, your child is probably self-harming because they are struggling to cope with something.
Just like adults, children can experience great shame & embarrassment about their self-harming behaviours. Further shaming them, embarrassing them or punishing them may only make matters worse. Professional help from a suitably skilled & experienced counsellor or psychotherapist can be a huge help, here. They will provide a safe space for your child to explore & express their thoughts, feelings & emotions without fear of judgement and help them develop alternative safer coping techniques.
My advice is simple: Don’t try to cope with this alone. Get professional help.
If you recognise these signs in yourself or someone you know, it’s time to consider getting some professional help. Always remain aware of potential needs for medical assistance. If you or someone you know is suicidal then do not hesitate to contact the emergency services as soon as possible.
If you would like to talk about self-harm, whether it be for yourself or someone you know feel free to contact BroadMinds Therapy for help & advice. Call (+353) 0899420568, email help@broadmindstherapy.org , message us via this website or via this facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/jpbroad
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Thanks for taking the time to read this article.
Integrative Counselling And Psychotherapy 