Similar to ‘Respect’, Status & Recognition strike me as being a little illusive in terms of their relevance to our Self-Esteem; At least in terms of their meaning being immediately obvious to us.
Why do we need Status and Recognition to help build our self-esteem?
In this context, Recognition in part refers to our connection with others and our emotional needs which can be satiated through those connections. Status is achieved through the ‘recognition’ and appreciation of others.
We could put this another way by saying that we develop better self-esteem if others treat us well because it confers the implicit message that we are valued and worthy of their recognition & appreciation.
This, of course, has applications in our careers & vocations but it also applies to a much deeper experience of human life. One that is grounded in the quality of our existence; Emotional, physical & psychological.
Recognition is something we greatly desire, both consciously & subconsciously. It is well understood that even children who suffer neglect & abuse, may also suffer the paradox of wanting to be free of the neglect & abuse they endure at the hands of parents, while preferring that to having no contact with them at all: Abusive recognition is sometimes preferred to no recognition at all. It’s a truly awful position to find yourself in.
Conversely, however, positive & constructive recognition can help build our self-esteem by deepening our sense of value to ourselves & to others. In short, we feel more worthy. Perhaps, to some extent, we only realise the importance of recognition when we suffer the pain of rejection by others. It is important, then, to note that there is a difference between a need for ‘recognition’ & ‘dependence’.
Depending on another for recognition can also be a vulnerability if our self-esteem is built on this alone. This makes it important to build our self-esteem in other ways, too, as well as by making sure that we are not dependent on the recognition of one or very few people. This is where developing & implementing your self-care plans and having diversity in your support networks are most helpful.
So, how can we build our sell-esteem using ideas about recognition & status?
- Self-Care: Develop a self-care plan & put it into practice. You don’t just need recognition from others, you also need to send a message to yourself that you are worthy of recognition and worth looking after.
- Support Network: Recognition also requires connecting with others. Develop your support network. Know it.. write it down. Maintain it & use it when needed. Remember that you must also give & take in this network. You must provide support and draw on it, too. Not necessarily at the same time but when others need support be prepared to help.
- Know Your Needs: What recognition do you need or desire? You might think you know the answer to this but don’t be too quick to jump to conclusions. If you get the recognition you think you desire, what then? Will your needs for recognition be fulfilled or is there something more you desire?
- Flip It: Give & take. Consider what kind of recognition you offer others and consider how that meet their needs from you. Model the behaviour you want to see in others. If you need a few pointers in offering recognition, focus on the 3 A’s: Show your Appreciation, show your Approval, and give others your Attention.
- Recognise Yourself: You also need & deserve the 3 A’s. Learn to give yourself the recognition you need. Don’t depend on others to meet the needs you have. It’s fine to expect the recognition you rightly deserve but if it isn’t forthcoming, what then? If you are not getting the recognition you deserve & need from others, it may be time to consider where you are going to get it. That may be in other places and from other relationships, but the one constant in all of those circumstances is you.
If you would like to talk, BroadMinds Therapy offer a free consultation during which you’ll get the opportunity to describe what’s on your mind & we’ll be happy to help you, either directly, or help identify the best options for you.
If you’d like to discuss Counselling & Psychotherapy for yourself or someone you know, contact BroadMinds Therapy and we’ll be happy to answer any questions you have and discuss options for you. Call 0899420568, email: help@broadmindstherapy.org , contact us via this website or visit our facebook page: http://www.facebook.com/jpbroad
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