It’s a terribly sad state of affairs that we even need to consider this in the context of relationships where love, care & consideration are meant to guide our treatment of each other.
When we think of domestic abuse we typically imagine physical, perhaps also sexual, violence carried out by a male on a female victim. That certainly happens and is the most common form but I hope by the end of the following posts I will have opened your minds a little on that and I sincerely hope that anyone who is a victim of such an awful situation finds a crumb of comfort in these words & takes appropriate steps to protect themselves and any children involved.
Abuse can take place in any setting where two or more individuals are in contact, be that face to face or otherwise.
The symptoms & indicators of abuse can be specific to certain types of abuse while others are less exclusive. For example, physical signs of abuse like cuts & bruises are unlikely to be signs of psychological abuse. This becomes a little more confusing where the lines between the various types of abuse are somewhat blurred. It’s hard to imagine sexual abuse taking place without harmful emotional & psychological effects, but psychological abuse may not involve the same set of symptoms commonly resulting from sexual abuse.
So, I’ll breakdown the some forms of abuse & symptoms but note that there is likely to be some cross over.
Physical Abuse involves:
1. The use of force which results in pain of injury or a change in a person’s natural physical state.
2. The deliberate use of physical force that results in bodily injury, pain or impairment. This involves direct physical contact between 2 or more people, or by use of some object or method to initiate harm to another, for instance when using a weapon. It can be sub-divided into various categories, all of which deserve special attention on their own to such an extent that they’re often seen as separate categories in their own right, as with sexual abuse:
o Violence: The use of physical coercion, or threat of, over another.
o Sexual: The use or threat of non-consensual sex or sexually related behaviours to harm another.
Physical abuse may happen on one occasion but often occurs a multitude of times. The abuser tends to feel an addictive sense of power as a result of coercing the perceived ‘weaker’ individual which may help to explain repeated abusive behaviour. It is sometimes thought that the abuser acts in this way because they have a history of being abused themselves in some way, and having experienced those feelings of comparative ‘weakness’, they long for a sense of power that has been lacking.
Regardless of their background, there is no justification for abuse. The age of the victim can be critical because physical abuse can result in injuries that are untreated or inadequately treated because a victim or abuser may attempt to hide their injuries for fear of reprisals if the abuse is discovered. Although this may also be the case with older victims, with children this can have dire consequences for physical & psychological development as they transit into adulthood – If they survive!
Equally, the most vulnerable victims may have a reduced ability to recognise &/or report abuse. Indeed, some victims come to believe that the abuse is indicative of a normal loving relationship and see their abuse as a sign of love & affection. For example, the distorted cognition of a battered wife who thinks ‘he wouldn’t get so angry if he didn’t care so much’.
Domestic Abuse: Defined as an incident or pattern of incidents of controlling or coercive threatening, degrading behaviour, can include sexual violence, by a partner or ex-partner. Domestic abuse has a long history in human relations dating back thousands of years and has, at times, been permitted in law. It is thought to be very common and can include non-physical forms of abuse like harassment, stalking & emotional abuse.
Psychologist, Lenore Walker, identified a common cycle evident in domestic abuse in 1979:
o Tension Building Phase: Tension begins building, triggered by common domestic issues; Verbal abuse is evident and the victim may attempt to placate the abuser. However, the tension continues building until physical abuse begins.
o Acute Battering Episode: Physical abuse begins but crucially, despite any suggestion to the contrary, the abuse is acted out in response to the abusers emotional state & not the behaviour of the victim. This can make the episode unpredictable & beyond the control of the victim – However, it is possible that the victim may attempt to trigger the physical abuse to release their anxiety & tension in the abuser and get the abuse out of the way.
o The Honeymoon Phase: The abuser may feel & express shame and remorse and attempt to revise their behaviour on reflection in order to minimise the gravity of the incident. Perhaps even blaming the victim for their loss of control. Sorrow, apologies, attempts to make up for the behaviour sometimes follows in an attempt to placate the victim & persuade them that staying in the relationship is their best option.
o The cycle then repeats.
Sexual Abuse: A generic term which describes abuse involving all manner of sexual acts defined as involving two or more individuals where at least one person has been forced to engage in or witness sexual acts without their consent. This type of abuse is sometimes split into 2 categories:
o Abuse by a stranger which is typically referred to as rape.
o Abuse by a known assailant, which maybe in a domestic abuse setting.
This form of abuse can include:
Requiring sex on demand.
Physical attack during sex.
Non-consensual sex.
Being the subject of degrading language both during sex & at other times.
Denial of choice in trying to, or not as the case may be, conceive.
It is worth noting here that some individuals are unable to offer explicit & informed consent, as with people under the age of 16 in the UK & 17 in Ireland. However, it is also worthy of note that issues of consent & how this is demonstrated are often a matter of dispute in the judicial process.
All of the above forms of abuse can be & are committed by both men & women.
COSC quote the following stats (See: http://www.cosc.ie/en/COSC/Pages/WP09000005)
• 15% of women & 6% of men suffer severe domestic abuse.
• 29% of women & 26% of men suffer domestic abuse when severe abuse & minor incidents are combined.
• 13% of both men & women suffer physical abuse or minor physical incidents.
• 29% of women & 5% of men report these incidents to the Gardai/Police.
However, it’s worth noting that these figures were generated pre-COVID 19 and since then Women’s Aid have reported a 39% increase in calls to their helpline while support organisations for male victims have reported a 100% increase in call volume.
If you re a victim of domestic abuse the following organisations can help:
Womens Aid operate a 24/7 helpline in Ireland. Tel: 1800341900 or visit www.womensaid.ie
Womens Aid in the UK can be contacted through their website: Contact us – Womens Aid
AnyMan, formerly known as ‘Amen’ offer support to male victims of domestic abuse. Their phonelines are operational between 9am & 5pm. To talk in confidence call 015543811 or visit www.anyman.ie for further information.
In the UK Mankind can be contacted on 01823 334244.
Finally, if you need urgent assistance call the emergency services.
If you would like to discuss these or any other issues further feel free to contact me discretely, privately & in complete confidence either by direct messaging me on this page, email help@broadmindstherapy.org or calling 0899420568 for a free consultation.
As always, thank you for taking the time to read this article. If you like what you read please remember to follow, like & share to help us reach & help as many people as possible.
Integrative Counselling And Psychotherapy 