Feel Like You’re Missing Something?
Is there something missing in your life?
Loneliness is something of a taboo. I don’t think I’ve ever heard someone say I feel lonely outside of the therapy suite.
The need for connection with others is a basic human drive. Our evolution has depended on it. Some historians believe that one of our human relatives, Neanderthals, were actually more intelligent than humans as individuals but died out because they were more solitary and simply didn’t connect with each other in the same way that humans do. It is our connection with each other that has driven so much progress and so much strength in the face of adversity.
We depend on human connection from the moment we are born. Without our parents & caregivers we simply wouldn’t live very long after birth. Therefore, should it really be a surprise that when those connections breakdown or are unavailable to us, as many have experienced throughout the pandemic, we begin to struggle?
Our focus on tier 3 of Maslow’s hierarchy lead us to consider our relationships and, in more recent posts, the impact of our early relationships. But what about when we feel like we lack the kind of relationships we need in our life? Maybe because we don’t have a partner, have a limited social circle with few close friends, or that the relationships we do have are toxic or unfulfilling. In these circumstances, loneliness can often occur and loneliness is not simply unpleasant – it can have real life devastating effects on our health:
Our connections, or lack of them, can be hard to deal with at the best of times but become all the more apparent to us at key anniversary moments of the year like birthdays, Christmas, etc.
Maybe the thought that you are lonely is something that hasn’t occurred to you. Are you lonely? Here’s what to look out for:
Often feeling sad.
Feeling like you you don’t want to try new things.
Feeling reluctant to make changes in life.
Feeling misunderstood by most if not everyone.
Feeling lonely or lost in the company of others.
If these sound familiar maybe it is time to do something about it..
Relaxation Techniques such as:
Guided Meditations
Yoga
Keeping a diary or journal
The process of self-exploration & self-acceptance you can experience from these techniques can help you feel more comfortable in the company of others. These techniques can help you reconnect with yourself as you try to connect with others.
So Keep It Simple
1. To begin with, try short conversations with others on a one to one basis before trying to engage with larger groups of people.
2. Think ahead about what you’d like to say or ask and ask open questions like How are you today?
3. Try to strike a balance between asking questions and expressing your own thoughts & feelings.
4. Be open to the thoughts & opinions of others.
5. Consider joining Clubs & Societies
Local clubs can be a great way of meeting new people & developing new friendships.
6. Consider volunteering with a local charity or organisation.
7. Education
Think about the skills & hobbies you already have and consider ways of improving those in the company of others.
Explore that long desire you’ve had to learn something new like a language or craft with evening classes.
8. Reach Out To Friends & Family
Don’t wait for others to contact you. Be proactive. Reach out to people regularly.
Form a mutually supportive relationship with friends & family – Be prepared to listen when they need support and be prepared to share your troubles when you need support.
9. Seek Out Support
Consider looking for help & support from a professional therapist. Given the wonders of modern technology, you don’t even need to find someone local although if you do it will give you a reason to get out of the house.
10. Consider joining a local support group.
These are just some of the things you can try if you are feeling lonely. Get creative! There is plenty more you can do.
If you are lonely & would like to talk with a professional counsellor& psychotherapist feel free to contact BroadMinds Therapy for help & advice. We offer a free consultation with no obligation to book further sessions. Call (+353) 0899420568, email help@broadmindstherapy.org , message us via this web page or visit our facebook page for more information.
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Thanks for taking the time to read this article.
Integrative Counselling And Psychotherapy 