The ‘C’ Word

Is it time to talk about the ‘C’ word?

‘Christmas’ that is.

A little early, you might think. But here’s why. Where ever you are in the world, this has been a tough year. A global pandemic has had economic effects just about everywhere. Many people have been laid off, lost jobs, or furloughed and there is less money to go around.

Despite this, the expectations of children, partners, or relatives may remain high.

• Maybe your family are expecting you to travel and get to them for Christmas despite local rules on travel & socialising as well as the logic behind forming bio-bubbles to help keep the spread of the virus at bay.
• Maybe your children are openly hoping for the latest in expensive tach gadgetry which feels financially out of reach.
• Maybe your partner is hoping for an expensive expression of your affections.
• Maybe you feel a pressure to create the perfect Christmas for the family.

These can all leave you feeling stressed out, anxious about striking a balance between what you can afford & what seems to be expected of you. The temptation is to reach for the credit cards or look for a loan to pay for it all but this is really only a short term answer to a long term problem, and one that will end up costing you more than it would normally. Or perhaps you are tempted to break local lockdown rules to keep the wider family happy.

We can’t do much about what you can afford but we can help with explaining how you can manage expectations and look at why you feel so pressured to give or do so much, particularly at a time when you may have materially less to give.

Here’s our advice on managing those expectations which we hope will help keep your own stress levels down:

1. Don’t make promises you are not 100% sure you can keep. It’s not easy saying ‘no’ to a child wanting something too expensive or a family member expecting you to go to extraordinary lengths to deliver the Christmas that they want. Remember that this is your Christmas, too; And you have a life to live beyond it. There are reasonable expectations & unreasonable expectations and some people lose a little perspective in all the excitement. It is not your responsibility to appease them.
2. What people want is not always what they need. We’re all guilty of this to some extent. Something catches our eye and before we know it, we want it while the things we really need get overlooked. Sure, we all need a little of the fun stuff but if you’re going without basic needs to fund the fun stuff then you are storing up problems for the future. Maybe what your child really needs is a pair of shoes rather than the new Xbox or iPhone. Maybe what you’re family really needs is to know that you love them rather some shiny trinket that will gather dust forever more or be obsolete within a couple of years.
3. Gifting doesn’t make you a better Person, Parent, Partner, etc.. You can give without gifting but you can’t love without loving. That’s not just a nice cliche to post on social media, it’s a way of life and it is loving that will ultimately make you a better Person, Parent & Partner.
4. Know your budget & stick to it. Work out what you can afford or what you are willing to spend. Work out how you want to allocate those funds and stick to your plan!
5. Talk with those who have expectations and those you intend to buy for. Be open, honest & frank about your situation and let people know what you feel you can or want achieve; But know that being honest with others starts with being honest with yourself.
6. Bring the focus back to what Christmas is really about and what the important things are in life. Consider what Christmas is really about, what it means to you as well as what your values are in life. Bring the focus of your family & friends back to that.
7. Consider what your favourite memories are in life. Think about the happiest memories you have in life. They are probably of experiences you have had rather than acquirement of material goods. Bring the focus of Christmas back to your experiences with those you love rather that on acquirement of goods.
8. Negotiate. Open a discussion with those you will be sharing Christmas with and try to agree on plans.
9. Empathise. The chances are that others among your family & friends are also feeling the same pressures you feel and will likely welcome an open discussion on measures to makes things easier on everyone. Use your natural sense of empathy for others to ease their stress as well as your own.

If you would like help with your stress levels feel free to contact BroadMinds Therapy for help & advice. We offer a free consultation with no obligation to book further sessions. Call (+353) 0899420568, email help@broadmindstherapy.org , message us via this website, or visit our facebook page http://www.facebook.com/jpbroad for more information.

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Thanks for taking the time to read this article.